i smile to myself. discombobulated?! karen uses that word a lot. and i used to think it was one of her made up ones (we all have them) until i heard someone on the telly use it. a quick apology for all my mickey taking was offered up.
and so here i am and that mad word currently describes quite nicely my running state.
with just 13 weeks to go before the lakeland 50 i have arrived at a crossroads, quite unexpectedly, and ground to a halt, not quite knowing which sign to take, which route to follow.
i arrived at this same junction twice in succession, at the end of a couple of long-ish runs. normally there'd be no stopping, in fact no other choices to ponder but quite clearly something is changing for me. it might be a passing phase, it may be something a little more permanent (for the time being anyway).
one way points to 'run long* and race', another 'run long for fun'. but two new signs have been put up..'short** and race' and 'short for fun'.
this i think is my 5th year of ultras and i've truly loved the whole journey..sitting here thinking about and you wonder 'whats the bloody problem then..just get on and enjoy it some more!'..the lakeland 50's, the Highland Flings, the C2C and so many others..all great memories and times.
but..and there's always a but..or several buts
- i've got those t - shirts
- i've enjoyed running faster in training since november (and not enjoyed the walking bits of long stuff)
- shorter means more time for other stuff in life
- i also have a foot injury (that ive kept quiet about until now) that hurts at times
- i think i just feel ready for a change
all that said though, theres a lot to leave behind if i walk away from ultras.
hence why im rooted to the spot at this crossroads, feeling a little..well..discombobulated i suppose.
** non-ultra distances