Wednesday, 20 October 2010

dont let the demons in

as you can probably guess due to my lack of blogging i've been away. well either that or i've had nothing worthwhile or remotely interesting to say. or maybe both!
after 7 wonderful warm days in portugal with karen and the kids - just messing about, doing 'bombs' into the pool, laughing, lazing around, banging down huge water slides at breakneck speeds, just stuff you do as a close-knit family, all without distraction or interuption - i landed back home with a huge unexpected bump

maybe not straight away..there was our annual trip to alton towers' 'scarefest'

then a trip up to see the wonderful amy macdonald (if she's playing your neck of the woods pop along and see her..she's absolutely brilliant live)

and then, BANG, back to work
now normally after a holiday im full of get up and go and general positive vibes
in portugal i ran 5 miles religiously everyday..that's all, but enough to ensure my legs remembered what they were created for. then on the plane home i (finally) finished reading 'feet in the clouds' (i started it three holidays ago).
so why yesterday, my first day back at work, could i not muster up any enthusiasm to run or , in fact, do anything that remotely involved physical exertion? why did i completely avoid updating my running log or reassess my training plan?
deep down i know the answer..i know what was trying to drag me down, trying to sap my positivity. coming back to wet, cold, dark britain doesn't help but its more fundamental than that. but i won't bore you with the details..though i suspect hayfella and part time runner know what im talking about
this morning my alarm went off at 0515. time to run. a moment of truth..can i be arsed? can i be arsed to drag my butt out of my lovely warm bed and into the cold dark morning that lay waiting outside? reluctantly i did
it wasn't until 0600 that i finally made it out into what then seemed a very univiting big outdoors. if anything it felt like a chore to start..give charlie his run out (bless him, without a run for 8 days, he was bouncing around like tigger!) and make sure i keep going as i've the small matter of 100 miles to run in 9+ months. '100 miles!!!' i thought..'no way!..i can't do this every morning in the cold and dark for the next 4 months! and work's utterly pants! what if the axe falls on my head next??'.
as you can see, by 0615 every excuse and every piece of early morning negativity was knocking on my door, and pretty loudly too. demons determined to up-end me, my belief, my joie-de-vie, and my plans.
well, for whatever reason they failed again to get in!
maybe charlie's flightiness and general giddiness, chasing wildlife (i couldn't make out what)from hedge to hedge inspired me. maybe thoughts of karen and hollie and will. maybe it was memories of conquering past ultras. maybe i was inspired by my singing (in my head!)amy macdonalds lyrics 'but i will run until my feet no longer run no more'. or maybe it was the thought of facing you the jury, and others like you, and telling you i'm no longer doing it.
anyway, by 0700 and with my home in sight, i was back on form, brimming with positive vibes, planning my lunchtime run, and eager to re-edit my 'next 9+ months' plan
as my journey continues i simply have to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
so come on people. lets bloody well run. and lets run with a smile on our faces. because we can!


4 Winds said...

Good on yah, URC. You are an inspiration to me in my maiden 50 attempt. Much respect for taking on the big one.


Ali said...

Inspiring stuff - I think we all suffer from a bit of the can't-be-arsed-itis at this time of year. Every day this week I've planned on going out for a run in the evening, but once I get home, have my dinner and get the kids to bed it is too easy to just sit down and forget about it. Well, that stops now.

Or maybe tomorrow.

Drunkeneuphoria said...

I'm definately remotivated after this lay off. We all need something/one to kick us up the arse sometimes

Julie said...

Hi Ultra Collie,
Oh my goodness, you went to Portugal!?! I am so jealous! Seriously, I am glad that you were able to get sometime away and enjoy your family:) Nice pictures!

I have been feeling the same way about not really feeling the whole running thing. I have to start sucking it up and just getting my butt moving again:)

So, how is my favorite collie Charlie doing? You need to post another picture of him soon:)

My daughter has a friend who has a dog named Poppy. Poppy is a mix of something and collie. She is so pretty and I love to see her when I pick up Kay. She runs right up to me and loves the attention I give her:) Damn, I miss having a dog!

Take care!

ewan said...

Haven't had a holiday since i started running but now i know what to look forward to upon my return from honeymoon in Egypt.
Will try to get some running in but i'm sure my priorities will lie elsewhere.
9 months 'til Lakeland 50, so i'm with you 50%.

ultra collie said...

4 winds.. i can only inspire once ive done it. until then..respect only my will ;-)

ali - or maybe the day after tomorrow?

de - you are hulls answer to steve austin!

julie - i'll make sure he's plays the lead next time

ewan..congats on your wedding..only advice i can give is to sneak out before your beloved stirs and when she does shower her with gifts of tea and special honeymoon toast..she'll never know you've been away!

Hayfella said...

With Charlie on your side, demons don't stand a chance! All the best uc.

kate said...

nice one, keep fighting those early morning monsters.....and i promise to substitute 'run' for cycle ;)

sbrt said...

As Ian Dury may have once said. Its all about; Sox and dogs and running goals.

ultra collie said...

hf, kate, and need to worry..back on track..more to come..cheers